Mary Mary

So the other night some Jesuit novices came over the house and took us out.

You grew up Episcopalian so I don't know if you've ever heard the term "novice" in this context.

They're just dudes who are starting out on their journey of becoming priests.

Because we're Jesuit volunteers we're all hooked up like that.

Eneeways...

It was fun.  Very fun.

We pregamed at the house and showed them around.

There was a ghost and lots of laughing.  

Two of them call the guys they live with "kid." 

I thought that was sweet.  Sounds like someone in a Terrence Malick flick.

This is fucked up to say (do I only say these kinds of things?), 

but I'm sorry we didn't meet before you started AA.

There was that time you kept talking about doing E at night.  

"It's the best time to do it," said you.  

"It's feels like the night is awake," said me putting words in your mouth.

The night did feel awake Saturday.

The first place was divey but not dirty.  

Cocktails were $4.

I was already chillin and I asked the bartender for a GT.  Just like that.  

He looked at me highly unimpressed, "A what?"  

Did I back down?  "A G.T." fuck no.
Who knew a stare could be so close to an eye roll.  

We spent some time there and I learned that Alex 

is impressively knowledgeable about hockey.

We moved on to a tiki bar called Psycho Suzi's.

We sat around a long table, and everyone looked good in the dim golden light.

To be honest, most of the conversations for the rest of the night are blurry, but 

I do remember poking fun at Mike and Andrei for their rafter hanging, 

and going so far as to show the photo of them doing it to at least three people.

Shit.  I realize I haven't mentioned this before now.

Rafter Hanging - 

A phenomenon in which Mike and Andrei grab onto the wooden archway that divides the dining room from the living room.  They lift their legs up to meet their arms most of the time to show how extremely strong and controlled this ability to lift themselves is.  This is an occurrence that may or may not result from an external trigger.  ie. emasculation; embarrassment; desire to impress (most often this one alone)  

I'm sure I perpetuated it by saying, 

"Wow.  I'm so ridiculously impressed by this," the first time they did it.  

There was an insane drink with Bacardi 451 in a tiny bowl sitting above a large bowl of rum
and citrus and Mai Tai-esque liquid.  Mai Tai was my first go-to drink.  

Gets you fucked up while tasting like a tropical paradise.
I kept encouraging James and Fish to sip from the top.
Tasted foul but you have to, right? 

"We have an abusive relationship, rum and I," said Alex right before 

exclaiming that he's only ever kissed a lesbian and is therefore gayer than Fish.

"He's had actual experiences with girls!" he continued on the walk back to the cars.

I grabbed him by the arm and said, "You're just one bad decision away from being on his level."

We laugh.

We get home and are DRUNK.

I go to James's room and we talk talk talk.

He mentioned wanting me to recount the convo, so I will here:

Jk. Jk.  But serious.  Who gets to be Rosario?  Who gets to be Chloe?
Let's not fuck around.  I'm definitely Rosario.

He said Fish asked if there was anything going on between me and Mike.

James told him that I wasn't attracted to Mike.

Then he said he always thought he and Rebecca were more of a possibility.

Fish said, no never her.  Then he used some name to refer to a girl like her.

Something akin to "Virgin Mary." 

I said, then what am I?  James said, "You're Mary Magdalene."

He asked why he likes Mike.

I said, "Is it because he's a little bit dumb?"

He laughed as we recalled the conversation at Little Ceasars.  

"What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?"  Lolz.

I then talked about Andrei throwing me against the wall.

I told him I missed him and shared some secrets.  Drunken nighttime secrets.  Little ones.

Then we fell asleep.  I woke up dizzy and wanting some Ibuprofen.
So when I came back upstairs I went back to my bed,
and when I woke up again my first thought was, "PIZZA!"

And you know what?

Those hoes ate our goddamn pizza.

Yes, those hoes.

Mike and Rebecca.  

I was disproportionately shook.  

I went so far as to drive to Little Ceasars for more.
Of course it was closed bitch it was morning.

Y colorín colorado, este cuento se ha acabado.