Andrei said it looked like driving through stars.
It did.
The experience of frozen water particles sprinkled on our windshield was so novel. So emotional. It was like having a truth proven to me after years of believing it in theory. It was like finally seeing a painting in person.
The trip was pretty ok, though I'm sure everyone else in my house would disagree based solely on the fact that I never had to ride in the back seat. The most uncomfortable part of the drive for me was sitting next to Andrei for about 4 hours on the way back from South Bend to Minneapolis. And just in case you were wondering, Notre Dame is just as pretty in person as it is in movies. More maybe.
Flashing back to Cleveland:
The people there had obviously stayed up all night drinking, and were ready to keep that shit going by running a "beer mile" in the morning. Too basic to explain, but use your imagination.
We were dead on arrival and tried to sleep.
It was pretty impossible, but there was a fun moment when we took over Julia's tiny ass room and cracked each other up about how cray Andrei is currently acting.
We eventually got up and got dressed.
He was sick again that morning. Before the party.
We took it in stride and we talked and walked around.
In reference to me reaching out and being with him he said,
"I think it's helping. It's just taking a while."
Sweet James. Sweet eyes. Sweet face. Sweet bae.
You're more than that of course. The more than that is all he wants, I think.
We're so different. I'm trying to figure it out.
Mike was in his element.
I looked over numerous times and saw a glimpse of what he must've been like in college or with his friends from home. And although I could see how much he was enjoying himself, he was so concerned about leaving us alone and mingling.
I went over to him at some point and whispered,
"You know you don't have to take care of me. I'm fine."
He told me he knew. His face stayed worried.
All this worry can't be good.
I don't think I've really shared thoughts on Mike.
Maybe I haven't developed them fully enough yet.
But here goes.
Early on I think I designated him the "head" of the house.
The guardian. The keeper.
Around the time of my birthday I discovered that James had a big problem with the assumption Mike is the default one in charge; he seemed hurt that I charged Mike with birthday plans when James had wanted to plan something. That moment made me think that what I thought was an organic dynamic was unbalanced. I hate imbalance.
I'm thinking back now to Chicago.
Our last night there James and I went out to explore the city a bit.
It was late and balmy. We took the L and walked for a while, not really looking for anything in particular. We were still feeling us out. Finding our way back to the train was a little trickier than anticipated. There was a strange Bermuda Triangle-esque part of the street we kept circling where the entrance should've been. Eventually I asked someone. That led us so far. We asked someone else. We made it back.
James asked me how to choose who to ask. I said that you just take a look and choose the person you think would know. Probably not a tourist. Not a drunk person. Not a snooty looking person since they might keep walking or become annoyed. Someone who looks like they walk around here all the time. Someone easy.
That's how Mike became the default. He's easy.
He looks like he knows what he's doing and what he wants.
It does weigh heavily on him, though. I see how hard he is on himself.
More later.
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