CRAY CRIES: Happiness is the warm sun

My housemate James has a blog that he shared with me.

In it, he talks about the experiences we have in the house, his placement at

The Advocates for Human Rights, and his feelings overall.

Reading it is a sweet and intense experience because although we live literally right next door to one another,

there are things that go on in his head that I find out about only this way. Every head is a land unto itself,

that's true. But in this short time I've cleaved to him and completely fallen in love with him. It's funny,

Wendy talks about having this feeling when she first met me, and it's been really hard for me to understand

what she means. Maybe now I get it. I don't love him because he reminds me of my best friend from high

school, and I don't love him because he likes me. There's just something about him that touches me.

Something I find admirable and true and good.

That being said, there are problems.

I'm used to people who can speak up when they don't like some shit I just said.

I'm used to people who at the very least I can read when there is something

they're uncomfortable with.

Remember that night with the tarot reading?

I was being such a jerk. I must've felt guilty for drinking in front of you. I wanted to be

drunk and I wanted you to be ok with it. Fuck. If I'm being honest I wanted to get drunk

with you. What a shitstorm that turned into. You straight up said to me that night, "Well,

maybe we need to re-evaluate our friendship. See if we wanna keep doing this or what."

Shit that was real.
I took you to lunch the next day and we were both more and less real

than the night before. I wanted to keep you as a friend so I said shit I thought would

accomplish that. Sorry.

* * *

It's pretty late now and I have to be awake in five and a half hours.

For real though.

James and I had a talk in his and my and his rooms.

It was the most comfortable we've been up to this point.

CRAY CRIES